Grooming
What is grooming and how can you recognize the signs?
What Is Grooming?
Grooming is a process by which offenders gradually draw victims into a sexual relationship and maintain that relationship in secrecy. Offenders may even fill roles within the victims’ families, making them trusted and valued friends. This tactic is highly successful because of its slow and gradual nature.
94% of offenders are known to the victim. It can be scary to know a perpetrator is most often known to the child and trusted by the family, but we must understand this as well as the grooming process if we want to prevent child sexual abuse.
The Canadian Centre For Child Protection says It’s never too early or too often to begin talking to your kids about their bodies, sex and boundaries; It’s important they know they can come to you at any time if someone makes them feel uncomfortable or unsafe, whether that person is a family member, friend or youth worker.
The Stages of Grooming
Learning the stages of grooming is just one way to prevent it from happening.
Targeting the Child
The offender typically has a preference to a gender, age or “type” of child and will pay special attention to them.
Gaining the Child’s and Caregiver’s Trust
“I saw you playing with Legos; I’m planning to see the new movie, you can come with me if you want to go.”
Filling a Need
“I know you love reading so I got you this book.”
Isolating the Child
“You can trust me because no one understands you more than I do.”
“Special” trips, one-on-one coaching, babysitting, etc.
Sexualizing the Relationship
“Have you ever watched porn? I can show you what it is.”
“Have you ever masturbated? I can show you how, it feels really good.”
Maintaining Control
“If you tell anyone, something bad could happen to you and your family.”
“If you tell anyone, we could both go to jail and wouldn’t be able to be together.”
Recognizing the Signs of Grooming
Parents and caregivers should know how to recognize red flags of what could be grooming behavior. According to CyberTip.ca, some of the signs of grooming are:
Targeting specific kids for special attention, gifts or activities.
Slowly isolating a kid from family members and friends – physically and emotionally.
Undermining relationships with parents and friends to show that “no one understands you like I do.”
Gradually pushing or crossing physical boundaries. This could range from long-lasting full-frontal hugs, sitting on laps or “accidental” touching of private areas.
Offenders sometimes engage in partially clothed tickle sessions, showering with kids or sleeping in the same bed.
Encouraging kids to keep secrets from their family members.
In most cases, the parents are being groomed as well as the child. Perpetrators can groom adults by being the ‘go-to- person for any kind of support, like babysitting or mentoring. They can position themselves as an expert, leader or someone with inherent trust. These tactics allow the perpetrator to build trust with the child’s caregiver and gain time alone with the child.
It does not mean we can’t trust the people in our lives; in fact, having conversations about these topics actually builds trust with children and protective family members.
If you suspect a child is being groomed, immediately call your local police detachment or the local children and family services office to flag your suspicions.
o Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-387-5437 (KIDS)
